The Tricky F word - Forgiveness

We all deal with a level of stress and pain from our past, and it often resurfaces at times when you most need to be strong, healthy and happy. There can be so much good going on in your life, and yet, you can’t see it because you’re stuck focusing on the past.

Your stress, anger and disappointment come from expecting life and people to behave, think and speak the way you believe they should. This always leads to disappointment. We are all different and our circumstances have made us individual.

We don't have the same thought processes, responses or reactions, we have had different upbringings and have faced different situations, which has led us all to have a variety of values, needs and wants. We all see the world through different lenses. 

If you keep expecting people to behave the level of your standard, , you are setting yourself up for disappointment. However, if you take a step back, you realize everyone is dealing with life the best way they are capable of, at the time. 

Even the kindest person can find themselves under so much stress and pressure, that they unknowingly enter their “survival” mode. It’s rarely about their intention to hurt us, but more about how they deal with challenging situations and when you embrace that, you connect with your humanity and perspective. 

Forgiveness is about the gift of freedom, for you to let go of emotional pain. 

It is about understanding that the only person who hurts, is you. Buddha said: “Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.”

There will always be situations and people we can not control. However, you can control your mindset and you do have a choice to either focus on pain, or to let it go and embrace forgiveness and gratitude. 

Gratitude for all the pain that shaped your character and forced you to develop your resilience and compassion. 

When you feel grateful for the small things in your life, your anger melts away. 

What if instead of asking: 

“Why did this happen to me?”, you ask:

“What is the lesson in this, what did I learn?” and

“What is the purpose of this?”

What if everything in my life is happening for a reason, and it is happening for me, and not just to me?

I know, when I look back at my most painful experiences, I wouldn’t change a thing. They shaped me into the person I am today, and gave me the strength to be there for others. 

Forgiveness and gratitude are lenses that you can choose to look at the world through. Open your heart and let go of anything that is holding you back from experiencing love, joy and happiness.

If you still cannot forgive, try Effective Blaming. Blame the person for the pain, but also for the joy, for the strength it gave you and for your personal growth and compassion.

It’s all about the perspective, asking “what is wrong?” is always available, but so is asking “what is right?” 

Namaste.